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On the Flip-Side...

Sunday my brand ambassadors and I all got together to shoot. The theme was candlelight boudoir and it was an absolute blast. All of the ladies came to play and even convinced me to get in front of the camera as well.



Yep. You read that right. I started out by modeling. I was a contracted model for a decade and then became a freelancer in 2010. I don't do it as often now as I used to, but I occasionally get in front of the lens just for fun. I really enjoyed modeling, it was my break away from my job as a server/barista, it introduced me to my husband and some of my closest friends and it really helped me to gain self-confidence. Ironically, I was 100lbs lighter then and refused to wear a bikini and hated my body but without going through that stage I never would have gotten mostly naked for pictures on Sunday.

Images courtesy of Angela Ollison, Brian Spencer and Edward Kupjack.


Even at my healthiest, I did not love myself. I never would have posed naked back then. I was always trying to find ways to cover myself and still feel sexy. I was getting paid to do my thing and I still couldn't see what everyone else saw. I saw the lonely girl from high school that could never get a date, the girl that was weird or didn't fit in, the girl who just wanted to be loved. Looking back I feel sorry for her. She was depressed, self-loathing, mean and out-right obnoxious and bossy sometimes and she could not SEE herself. I still struggle with loving my body, I really do, but now I'm not afraid of people seeing me naked. I'm not ashamed of my body. I don't hide behind layers of ill-fitting clothes and anger to keep people away. I wish that THAT girl had loved herself and accepted herself. I wish that girl hadn't abused her body and mind. I wish that girl could have SEEN the beauty that was not only in her but surrounding her as well...


So what is my "moral" of the story...

The moral is to love yourself the way you are NOW! Today! Cut yourself a break sometimes and look at your reflection with love instead of hatred. Because what you are busy hating right now is someone else's dream.


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